I’m 35 years old and I went through the battle of my life in my 20’s.
I got married and started a career, but then something amazing happened when I wasn’t even trying… I conceived.
While it may not seem like a big deal to you, this was the only pregnancy that I was able to carry to term.
As a child I dreamed of having a big family.
My mom often talks about how I said that I wanted to birth two children and adopt two as a child.
Part of that happened, but I hate that both myself and my children had to go through pain to get to where we are.
Many people ask me questions about adoption, but truth be told, they’re not ready for my answer.
See as a doula and fertility coach I know that there are families who struggle to conceive and those who suffer loss, but I also understand that adoption doesn’t just make those things go away (See my post about that here http://www.beautifulbeginningsdoula.com/blog/adoption-is-not-a-fix/).
If anything it broke my heart to know that my children suffered a loss just like I did in order to become a part of our family.
Yes adoption was always part of my plan, but my mind still wonders about what it would have been like to give birth again or if I could have finally had the natural birth that I desired.
Part of me wonders what my son would be like as a big brother and what our family would be like with just one more child added to it.
I held out hope for so long and I let it get the best of me because in that hope, grief took over and I lost myself.
I wanted to write this for those of you that are still struggling and share the mended pieces of my heart with you.
Yes things will get better!
It will get easier to see pregnancy announcements and attend baby showers without breaking down.
Maybe you will even go on to support others like I did, BUT…
There will be a small part of you that wants to keep hope alive.
I want you to know that this part of you is normal and that it’s ok.
As a coach I help people conceive and have healthy pregnancies, but at a much deeper level, I help them to hold on to hope without losing themselves.
If you’re struggling and in need of support, just know that I’m here.
If you’re feeling alone and like no one gets it, know that it’s not true and you can get support.
Check out my support group that meets monthly by sending me a message or clicking the link below.
Until next time, remember that your worth is not tied to your womb!